MY PATRI-IDIOTIC 3 MINUTES OF HATE!

AKA...WHY I AM PROUD TO BE AN AMERIKAN!

Greetings, Fellow Finians …and welcome to my personal 3 minutes of patr-idiotc hate:

Being the flag loving sort of red-blooded Amerikan that I am, in the last week I have...

1.) Divorced my Russian wife,

2.) Sent my prized Russian cat to be gassed at the dog pound,

3.) Trashed all my Russian salad dressing,

4.) Turned my next door neighbors in to the FBI because they have a Russian son-in-

law...

5.) Syphoned all the Russian gas out of the tank of my 74 Harley Chopper and dumped it down the city drains (A man can’t love his country more than THAT)!

6.) Burned my copy of “War and Peace”

7.) Used my Tchaikovsky records for a game of frisbee

8.) Demanded that the US government immediately shoot down the Russian part of the

international space station.

9.) Re-labeled all my cans of borsch and called it "Freedom Cabbage"

But…I draw the line at my Smirnov vodka! Sorry folks….Ain't gonna happen....OVER MY DEAD BODY!

-Boris Kalashnikov

PS: Any one who can think of any more items I can add to my short 3 minutes of hate, please feel free to contact my literary agent, Tokhtamysh, c/o the Golden Horde, 666 Tamerlane Ave. Samarkand, Timuristan